Velkommen!

May 18, 2013

You guys, I have a post up on A Practical Wedding! A wedding graduate post, specifically. When I found that website, I read every single wedding grad post in the archives and found them so helpful to both my planning and my sanity. Maybe you could head over there and read it!

Folks coming over from APW, welcome! In case you were curious about the unintentionally pink cake, here it is.

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And since I mentioned them at the end and they weren't pictured, here is the Here Comes the Bride sign and cookie buffet.

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I've actually been meaning ever since we got our professional photos from Amanda to share some of them with you. Maybe now I'll finally get around to that. Until I do, here's what I think is my very favorite. Though the one on top of the post at APW would be a close second.

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And a happy Syttende Mai to all of my Norwegian friends!

On a lighter note: Whales.

May 17, 2013

Ok, not whales, but a whale. Well, actually no whales at all, but one whale shark. Close enough.

When Raj told me that his coworkers wanted to go whale shark diving, I assumed this meant we'd take a boat to an area where whale sharks are frequently spotted. When looking at them at the aquarium, I'd thought it would be a little bit alarming to see one in the wild while diving, just because they're so big, but also pretty awesome. Because, you see, whale sharks are not interested in eating us or really even in taking a sample bite. They eat krill. Like many whales, they have baleen instead of teeth. I just hoped there would be some whale sharks in the area on the day we went diving.

Except when I read about it online, it said the whale sharks are kept in a large netted enclosure. They are accidentally caught by fishermen and kept here until they are well enough to re-enter the wild or to be transported to the aquarium if they can't be set free. In the meantime, scientists can learn more about these magnificent animals. So...not ideal, but still a nice thing. We'd definitely get to see some whale sharks and our money would support their rehabilitation.

But then I read a comment that said this is a sham. These whale sharks are intentionally caught for the purpose of making money. There's no science or rehab and the aquarium stopped working with them long ago over concerns regarding their treatment. Internet commenters are frequently angry types though, so maybe this was just a jerk trying to ruin a nice thing.

I was a little nervous, both because this would be only my fifth dive and several months out from my last one, while everyone else would be very seasoned divers, and because I'd managed to basically slice off my left middle finger tip while cooking the day before. But I knew that Raj would be a good and helpful dive buddy (and that the dive would only be 20-30 minutes, meaning he wouldn't be forced to ascend early when I ran low on air because I still nervously suck in more than I need while diving). I bought some dive gloves, covered the finger in saran wrap, and taped it off with surgical tape. Which actually worked pretty well.

I also have trouble sinking and staying down, meaning I require a lot of lead. When I told the woman at the dive shop that I needed 18 pounds, she was all Wow, I only use 12. Yes, tiny Japanese lady, I am far more buoyant than you are. I can't imagine why.

As it happened, I still didn't sink when we got in the water, so the guy from the dive shop who came with us got me another 2 pounds. We descended and went into the net, which yes, was not very big. I mean, the whale shark could swim around, but still, it made me sad. And I was getting very stressed out because wherever I went, I was always bumping into and kicking someone. There were five of us, plus two people from the base dive shop and two guys from the Japanese dive company, but there should have been plenty of room. I kept going up and down, trying to get my own space. I do have a little bit of claustrophobia, which hasn't previously been an issue with SCUBA diving, but this was making me a little bit panicky. It turns out that the whole problem was that the dive shop guy, in order to help me sink, was holding onto my tank. Then he saw how I kept rising and descending and kept holding on to try to help me manage my buoyancy. Except I was going up and down to try to get away from him, without knowing it was him or why he was there. Vicious circle.

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I did get very close to the whale shark. Unintentionally close, even. You guys, I think I might have accidentally pushed off from the whale shark. There was the unknown presence right behind me and then another guy very close sort of above/next to me and I just wanted to get to some open space. Whoops. I guess normally, the Japanese guys don't let divers get so close to the whale shark, but we were a small group (the other group that would have come with us canceled because it was rainy and windy out) and a couple of guys even got to feed the shark.

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I also got to spend some time floating and swimming on my own once dive shop guy let go. That was nice. And I still had plenty of air left when it was time to come out of the net and ascend. Then I had one hell of a time hauling myself up the boat ladder and into the boat wearing a tank and 20 pounds of lead. I'm seriously going to have to either get stronger, less buoyant, or some of both. I'm looking forward to just getting more practice overall. If Raj and I can start going somewhat regularly, I can get a whole lot more comfortable with the whole thing. On Okinawa, apparently you can pretty much walk into the water from any beach and have some good diving.

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It did sound from what the dive shop guy said like this is not a rescue mission. He confimed that the aquarium had stopped working with them several years ago and told us there was only one whale shark there because one had recently died and another escaped when someone cut a hole in the net. So I'd have to recommend against anyone else going.

Allow me to leave you with this exchange Raj and I had on the way to the dive, regarding the cloudy and rainy weather.

Me: Do you think I can still get sunburned?

Raj: I believe in you.

Me: I appreciate your confidence.

Raj: I mean, you're not a redhead or anything, but I think you're still varsity.

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Not burned. I hope they don't bust me down to JV.

26...35...Hike!

May 14, 2013

We were talking about the likelihood that friends of Raj's who are dating would get married. I was giving it a much higher percentage chance than Raj was. He explained that, the particulars of this couple aside, guys don't actually want to get married.

Wait, what now?

No, they DO want to get married, it's just that they'd like to put it off. A lot. Ideally, they would be 26 and single forever. Or for 20 years or so to properly enjoy it, then get married. But they cannot deny the reality that time is linear, they continue to age, and priorities shift toward marriage and family once (if) they accept that they are no longer 26 and never will be again.

I discussed this with some other married or long-term coupled women who agreed with my take: being 26 and single forever sounds exhausting. Sure, being young and single was fun. There are parts of it that we miss. But on the whole, we are happy to have the relationship aspect of our lives pretty well settled. Not that there isn't effort or thought that goes into our relationships, but at least the Who part is figured out and there's none of the agnoizing about Does he like me? Should I call him? What does this MEAN?!?! that we do not miss.

I actually like being in my 30s. I feel like I've aged into my personality. That said, I'm not at all anxious to enter my 40s. In fact, if I could stop time for a decade or two, I could happily pick this. Married, childless, and 35 is pretty great. I'm sure eventually I'd be ready to move on, but I feel pretty confident that it would take several years. It's not that I don't want to have kids. I do. I'd just like to put it off. For a long time. I like our life so much and enjoy the freedom that we have to up and do things on a moment's notice. To travel with only a couple of backpacks. To sleep. Sleeping is my favorite.

Unfortunately, just like Raj couldn't stay 26, I can't stay 35. There are biological realities. Even if we go the adoption route, there's the matter of how old we want to be when we enter into parenthood.

How do you know when is the right time? (Please note: Raj and I are in total agreement that right now is not it.) Biological clock aside, what motivates people to upend their lives when they really like the lives they're already living? When it aint broke, essentially. Or does it really all boil down to time? And if you could stay at one age or in one phase of life, would you? What would you choose?

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My name is Lori. I write. I teach. I run. I enjoy intelligent conversation, professional football, big government and the public library. I married a libertarian. We live in Okinawa, Japan.

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